Don't forget I'm 20 now
I liked you more when you were 19
Put cigar in mouth backwards. Plz remind to check for scar in morning, can't feel it now. Screwdrivers are like morphine.
You're getting a blowjob this afternoon. This has been your morning public service announcement.
It's okay. My lingerie drawer is skanky enough for the two of us. Even across borders.
He's hot though. It's not like he JUST got out of prison. That was like months ago
Just had a threesome with a hot Turkish guy and an even hotter French lawyer. This what happens when I travel alone. You have only yourself to blame for this.
I have to stop letting him stay all weekend. I feel like a cored apple.
What would you say is a healthy ratio of sex vs. being called a fucking asshole in a relationship?
I've spent my afternoon dipping strawberries in DayQuil if that's any indication of where I'm at in life.
From the bottom of my heart, thanks for never sending me unsolicited dick picks.
This guy on tinder just told me that he wanted to tie me up and asked me what I thought. I told him I wanted tacos
He literally knows my vagina better then I do.
You challenged a dog groomer that she couldn't cut human hair ... How's the shaved head
How have you been? I haven’t talked to you since you dyed your pubes.
Nothing like ripping open the box with your keys on a sat R train and throwing back the morning after pill with some coconut water on my way to work at a fitness studio for free
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