Whenever I miss you I just turn on Tool Academy
He took out the lube and started calling it fuck fluid
At least I wasn't still dressed as a bottle of dom perignon when they took me to the ER
Fuck you. how could you leave me passed out hangin out my truck window when you knew it was starting to rain?
There is a girl on the metro with no shoes and she's using a Crown Royal bag as a purse.
BAHHAHHAHHAHAHHA SOME ASS IS BIYING NE DRHBKS. DRUBK
At one point I went looking for you and found you handcuffed to a chair. I'm pretty sure you handcuffed yourself. I don't know how you got there.
We need to be on the same page regarding the 3some this time. No more "one of us should probably leave" moments.
Want to come over and play therapist and then fuck all the emotion away?
Want to know what makes for a better story than treehouse sex? Getting busted during treehouse sex
FYI your bra is now hanging in the hallway as a trophy.
So I'm guessing that puking on a camper is a straight path to instant termination?
A fair warning: I don't think a cop will let you off the hook just because your birthday is on New Year's Eve
We were gonna go out drinking tonight but she found out she's pregnant so are you free
I was really excited when I saw a billboard for neverbethirsty.org this morning. Then I realized it was for a church.
Randomize
