i swear i just saw perry the platypus. the fuck dude. i shouldnt even know who that is
I'm about to take my first shit since thursday. I'm scared. pray for me. If I don't make it, tell my family I love them.
It's like there's a party and my mouth and everyone's throwing up
It was a sobriety test blowjob. If he could get it up, he could get me home.
It's that "make a Pringle and Twinkie sandwich" kind of depression.
also i think i should join the bone marrow registration when im sober
Guess who used an inflatable mattress to boat across a retention pond with brooms for oars and a radio and beer.
I'd apply for another job, but "staring out windows crying" is not a hot qualification right now.
First time for everything: started posting a Facebook comment, decided I'm not quite sober enough. Progress.
I can't sleep. My mind keeps asking "turn down for what?" but it won't accept any of my answers.
well all i have to say, besides fuck you, is YOU try assembling ikea shelves while high on molly.
Sooooooo, maybe just fucked on a motorcycle.
The twitch Bob Ross stream is the happiest little hangover cure ever.
You either got a dog, or you have a boy over. I can't tell from the noises which it is.
Howd last night go?
well he stumbled in my parents door drunk and then asked my mom if she was my grandma. Id say as far as first impressions go, he failed miserably
Randomize
