My family just had an in depth argument about the meaning of chodes
Wait, how do girls masturbate?
I dunno we use shower heads I guess.
..how does it fit?
just balanced a champagne glass on my gut. thanks to beer im a living breathing tempur-pedic mattress.
just witnessed some guy trade his friend $5 and a condom for his keys.
They had some plan b on the table between the beer and the guacamole. Yeah, it's gonna be a fun party.
vodka bottle broke. scooping it out of the plastic tub with a shot glass into a sprite bottle using a ziplock bag as a funnel and straining the glass out with paper towels. good thursday night?
I'm so covered in bruises. God dammit drunk me. We are a lady.
Aaaand I cut your bangs with a large knife last night ...
He bought segways. We ride them when we get drunk. Last night he ran through the sliding glass door.
I wish him all the best and hope one day he can afford the surgery to remove his head from his ass
There's a very drunk Asian strawberry shortcake crying on the curb next to my truck. I'm not really sure what standard protocol is for this situation.
Dude random question. Where you with me when the vulture got electrocuted from the power lines and fell on the sidewalk in front of us?
Sabotage it. Cum quick. Make it awkward so you don't hurt her feelings. Who says nice guys finish last?
One day no one will want to send me dick pics so by all means keep 'em coming
So you can text and rub it at the same time? Bravo.
I can do anything and masturbate, if I truly wanted to.
Randomize
