she was so "full of love" from watching twilight that she came over and gave me a handjob. when does the next movie come out?
kicked my backpack and turned on my vibrator in the middle of class. success.
The professor just announced to the class that I talked to him in the bar on my birthday.
She had a muffin-top while wearing a one piece bathing suit. Thats gotta break one of newton's laws or something
They're drinking Schnapps out of Spaghetti-o's cans. Please come pick me up.
just once i'd like the "right thing" and the "topless thing" to be the SAME THING
Awww, you two will make beautiful abortions together...
Not sure if it is a new high or new low, but i left a basket on the porch of the sorority I woke up at. It had a description of the Minnie Mouse I woke up next to, and Plan B.
I'm thinking about slathering myself with peanut butter and going to the dog park. What's the worst that could happen?
Meeting up with one of your students at your drug dealers house is always an awkward moment
I think I just got buffalo sauce on my penis. Is that a turn on or off?
Drunk level: ugly crying in the bar upon discovery of sweet tarts and not smarties.
It's just not St. Patrick's Day until someone pukes on your panties.
Turns out my mom didn't really want to know I was in a new dimension last night from smoking so much.
i bet he makes cat noises to excite himself.
Randomize
