his penis is like a homeless cat. ever since I've satisfied him he keeps showing up on my doorstep ask for more.
Jake just asked if thanksgiving was an american thing...I left the table
Oscar is the man. He keeps getting pictures of hot nude women with messages in spanish saying "i hope you like it" sent to his phone
whose oscar?
the baller who i guess decided to give out a fake number at the bar last weekend. luckily that fake number was mine. i have enough porn to last me until next month.
It wasn't a wasted relationship. I got road-head in an Escalade. I still keep that with me.
as soon as his mom opened the door to let me in the house she asked if i would like a shot
it's gonna be a great weekend
This kind of poor decision making requires a real cup, not a mason jar.
I heard him say "bet you won't", look over 10 seconds later and she's blowing him.....looked eloquent under the glow of a camp fire.
Should I take my grandma to a keg tomorrow or not? Serious question
It's seriously like a finger. But it's a cock. I don't know what to do. I feel like I fuck him to be polite.
Being able to fart in her presence and not be judged is why I pay half the rent.
Do you know how close I got to throwing him over the edge of the canyon?
Roommate charged out of his room in pajamas yelling "MAKE IT RAIN" and just threw $4,000 in fifties onto my head. My Friday night.
Just had to tell a NYC cop I was doing the Dougie in a houndstooth jumper so he could find me in the security video.
Just renamed the subject of my sex list on my phone "grocery list" just in case anyone comes across it
He is a real estate investor who’s face I’m going to sit on.
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