mmm... i enjoy making beautiful women smile
why is it impossible to run with a back pack without looking like a giant d-bag?
haha... you gave me a great visual of you in high white socks running with a backpack with eye of the tiger playing in the background
that only happened once.
In a bar in glasgow talking to a 12 year old about life. Welcome to Kentucky.
Apparently I ran up to the group of cookie-cutter blonde chicks and screamed "Delta Gamma Nuuuuuuu!" really excitedly and tried to hug them and share fake sorority stories with them.
the first call I got in the morning was from visa fraud prevention so yeah it was one of those nights
I'm wearing the bright blue sombrero all through the airport as a sign of triumph that I survived spring break. I'm getting compliments
Just saw a field sobriety test being administered at 730 am, I now know I do not have a drinking problem
We had sex and then he fed me pie. This is the best friends-with-benefits situation ever.
All inclusive resorts are actually just places that livers go to die.
that bad?
u-n-l-i-m-i-t-e-d. f-r-e-e. t-e-q-u-i-l-a.
After the party last night, I dreamt I continued drinking... Apparently my subconscious didn't think I'd had enough...
He just texted me saying "you've got a face that suggests you give really good head". Is this a compliment? Do I say thanks?
You never know true fear until you're on your period in a house full of white furniture.
I AM SMARTER THAN EVERY FUCKBOY WHO HAS EVER SWIPED LEFT ON ME
Btw, apparently no one knows who ordered the pizzas for the after party, no one paid, and the delivery lady made a celeb shot, took a beer, then said she'd be back later to finish up the game...
The cop asked me why my pants were around my knees when he woke me from the sink, i replied "Officer, my underwear is still on, nothing bad happened" then he nodded in acknowledgement and we carried on with the paper work.
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