Dude someone changed all the contacts in my phone to I Like Eggs
Baffled as to how I'm gonna get 150lbs of sand out of my basement.
It's shedding
I told you penises don't tan
He asked if I was on the pill, apparently I just downed my glass of beer and winked at him...
BEER BONG IN THE STOCKROOM COME IN TO WORK TODAY
I DONT UNDERSTAND NIPPLES. THEY JUST POP OUT FOR NO REASON
Well somebody's had a rough day, nipple-wise
You missed the winter stoner olympics last night....I got the gold in blunt rolling
I mean obviously I like your dick... Jury is still out on you but your dick is good
At some point, I’d like to pretend that his penis is a popsicle.
yea so the plan to relive our college glory days was great and all but ending up in the er with alcohol poisoning was crossing the line
I just want to trace his tattoos with my tongue
I thought i was doing pretty well but I walked into my first class and everyone on my side of the room immediately asked how drunk and high I was
I made out with the hosts' boyfriend, infront of her, drank way too much, slept in my car and convinced everyone that I'm really a nice person. If that's not skilled lying, I don't know what is.
I can't wait to see you & have espresso-fueled sex
You are telling me my dick tastes like a taco supreme?
I'm saying this "taco supreme" tastes like your dick.
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