Straightened my pubes. My dick looks like John Lennon fucked Gonzo.
we had you propped up in a chair and fed you donuts. i've never seen you happier
We need a plan...
Find random men. Use them as sexual objects. There's our plan.
All I remember is holding on to the elevator asking it politely to stop spinning
She said we should all be mermaids since didn't breathe for 9 months inside our mothers. I want her logic.
I can't tell which way is up. Too many corners around his house too. An arbitary assimilation of edges.
Christ, I swear you are the high man's Dr. Seuss.
I caught her walking around with a fake mustache, wearing a sombrero and holding an empty carton of milk. She's a hopeless cause.
I'll even give you a complementary welcome blowjob.
If we can only get laid once in a blue moon, apparently this will be our month.
We have a little not a lot. We already rolled a blunt and named him Ron.
Seriously I can't get a booty call for some baked goods.
making my breakfast out of the pot brownies we made last night. Safe to say it's time to go grocery shopping.
Ask him to BK for an ice cream cone and do him in the car. That counts as a date
Look, he's a hot korean guy with a motorcycle and a great ass. I'm gonna do head-titingly kinky shit with him.
My son's girlfriend just thanked me for having good penis genes.
Randomize
