lol whn u cming hre I nd 2 c ur fce
IF YOU TEXT ME ONE MORE SHORTENED VERSION OF A WORD, THE ONLY THING YOU'LL SEE IS MY FIST IN YOUR FACE.
Making out with married ex girlfriends: priceless
If there is ever a next time, care about me enough to lube it up no matter what my drunk ass says
this party is like a fast-foward into the future when im 40 and married with children
I think I just sold my virginity for plane tickets
I just woke up wearing the O-ring from my dildo harness as a bracelet. Classy.
I fell asleep to the sounds of them banging in the next room. It was oddly soothing...
I think all I remember saying is, "I love Chris Berman's voice" and then I passed out
When he pulls out of you and farts and says ahh I wanted to do that for the past 30 mins ....you rethink the next drunken hook up
It was like a Thanksgiving meal, which you spend 8 hours cooking, and the family wolfs down in 20 minutes. All that flirting and build-up for like 90 seconds of pumping and he was gone in a flash, never to be heard from again.
I was behind him snuggling, I told him I was the big spoon and he told me I was too little it was more like he was wearing a backpack.
Will keep you updated on the sexual orientation of my new guy
That sounds worse than that time you thought out an entire story of how big bird would kill you
I'm gonna snort this pill I found on the ground cause that's how classy I am. Watch football and eat Beef jerky. Domesticated at its finest.
Other than the whole stab wound in my leg thing, today was pretty good. The nurses all loved me and gave me a sandwich and juice.
Randomize
