A little girl and i are having a face making battle in mcdonalds
She started it, but I totally finished it.
Also thongs make me have to fart a lot.
I get so lonely sometimes I set my phone's alarm to go off every 5 minutes or so and imagine people are texting me.
He came on my face and tried to draw out a smiley face because he said I looked like I had a bad day
i really wish someone from a royal background would fuck me so i could literally say i was 'royally fucked'.
I thought his dick was headless. then I pulled back the foreskin.
i distinctly remember leaping through the apartment to rescue the clam chowder burning in the kitchen
Sorry for punching you in the face last night. I should have known the boxing gloves were a bad idea from the start.
i had to wake up at 4 am to do my laundry because I was afraid if I saw people in the laundry room they would judge me by the amount of clothes I had covered in vomit from syllabus week
She barfed in the corner of the baby pool. Then she yelled "it's okay" repeatedly while trying to scoop it out.
He said he wanted to make me his Twinkie, "filled with his delicious cream." ABSOLUTELY 100% NO YOU MAY NOT REPEAT ****NOT**** GIVE HIM MY NUMBER EVER EVER EVER. Please confirm receipt and full comprehension of this message.
Ok I've processed it. Who the fuck makes out drunk in a parking lot in a backseat with the windows down in the middle of the day?!?!
If I stopped mid-sex because the guy was hung like a light switch, it doesn't count, does it? Like the five second rule.
I guess you could say that.. I mean, we did walk in on our DD doing a keg stand thru her ass.
sooo, that video of you eating lasangna with the strobe going magically reappeared on my phone
Randomize
