She's hot and she went to Notre Dame. I want to fuck the Catholic right out of her
Dear yesterdays makeup, Thank you for always being there when I stay up late binge drinking on weeknights and am running late to work Friday morning. You're the best.
i just watched kanye west and taylor swift have a chugging contest. why cant halloween be every day
It was like a secret agent hookup. No names, swift execution, get in- get out.
i like being sick. whatever the doctor gave me is awesone. the walls are waving at me. i never want to get better.
he asked if i wanted their team name to be " Amandas angels" or " Fuk budies" either way an intermural softball team of all my hook ups from spring semester is just depressing. convenient but depressing
I transported a midget tonight. He got beat up by another, midgetier midget. Is it bad that this is what makes me feel compassion after 15 years of being a paramedic?
Midgetier?
Smaller, yet meaner.
You'd think, but when you nail one sorority sister, you might as well have nailed them all.
No I got myself stoned. With her bowl. She was just a casualty of the War on Sobriety.
Neil John just started open mouth kissing everyone to make sure they are safe.
Dude you asked your tattoo if it wanted to go swimming
It's 3 am and I'm buying cat food and batteries for my vibrator. Good thing I shaved my legs for this.
You called his parrot a seagull, a pigeon and a rat with wings, and told it to go eat Cheetos out of a dumpster.
I think if I send him enough nudes, he will buy my plane ticket.
Woke up in a cemetery. Puked in front a funeral ceremony that was going on.
Randomize
