i'm as serious about my hair as jesse from full house.
that is uncle jesse to you, show some respect.
my life has come down to walking through campus and wondering if every guy is the random i made out with saturday
you just knocked on the window of the ambulance and waved at me as we drove away
Stripper with the black hair and lip rings is still asleep. Found out she wasn't lying when she said she was a squirter, it was like splash mountain.
we were looking for paper towels to wrap his hand and i yanked a drawer out of the cabinet, it was fun so we just kept doing it. things escalated and long story short, he isn't gettin his security deposit back
No gay bar. My eyemake up looks like sex and Im using these dick daggers of mine tonight.
C'mon pople!!! THursday afternoon isnot gonna drinkin itself!!!
Why'd you print out every dick pic you've ever received and tape them to the bathroom walls?
So what if you don't want to be with your family. Go drink alone and watch Netflix like a normal person, don't be productive!
I answered the booty call in my Trophy Wife cutoff and my ex-boyfriends sweatpants with a bottle of jager.
and how was that received?
That portable toilet under the bed? Turns out it was a tuba. Explains alot.
The people at Perkins seem so judgemental. Big deal if i'm handcuffed to stripper in a star-n-stripes bikini. We still gotta eat.
thank god my bra was in my purse... were all good
Sorry I didn't have my phone all night. Did we hang last night?
You bit me
Oh lord I need to hear this story
Granted, I did not plan to spend ANY hour of the last day of 2020 sober.
Randomize
