Not only did a random toaster end up in my house last night, it's also full of skittles.
Just an fyi, teatherball while wasted might be the hardest sport ever.
Do they take checks?
Did you really just ask me if you could write a check for a DRUG DEAL?
Its not really a relationship, its more of a sex for booze program.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Apperanlty I was screaming "It's hard to swim with a broken ankle sir" and then tackled the lifeguard. The joys of blackouts
that's the second time I've left that bar and slept with the person that's driven my car. thank god I don't take cabs..
Just for the record, you referenced Harry Potter while complaining about being torn between the Slytherin (lesbians) and Gryffindor (your mostly straight friends) houses (tables)
"I'm 95% straight," he says. Cut to him on his knees...by far the most beautiful guy I've ever fucked.
It reeks of weed and poor life decisions in here
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Basically all I do anymore is get stoned with my cats, and then we share goldfish.
he told me he liked me . I thought we were just fuck buddies . This ruins everything!
I need to find a more reliable booty-call so I can start dating people and take it slow.
Something like, "Merry Christmas. I hope Santa shits in your mouth."?
So your telling me I can lick your ass but you CAN'T spend my money
I woke up and there was a huge blow up palm tree in my bed...
Randomize