Some broad at the bar just asked me how much money I make. I don't know whats worse, the question or the answer.
we went back to her place to bone only to find her boyfriend having sex.. with MY girlfriend
after last nights cooking expirments i have lost all faith in the fire alarm battery
From what I remember, he had one ball. But it was cute
The investigator asked if we were sharing a pitcher of margaritas. I corrected him and explained that we each had our own.
High enough to ask the woman at best buy if she ever feels like she's swimming. and telling the man outside that he smells like happy juice.
Swear to god you say cuddle bunny one more time and honest to god I will sacrifice a bunny on the hood of your car
It's disgusting. He breathes through his mouth and just sounds fat. Plus he chews all loud and shit.
My boobs looked so good under the black light I saw a girl physically cover her boyfriend's eyes.
When you wake up to a porn star on your couch telling you, you better tell your boyfriend about last night.
What is the acceptable way to offer a trade of sex for a few hours of body heat?
Omg. Tonight might be the night I masturbate thinking of a smoothie!
Woke up in a cemetery. Puked in front a funeral ceremony that was going on.
I sent him a blank text because I didn't want to "drunk text" him.
im on a boat
How did you get this number?
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