paul mccartney is starting to look like angela lansbury
We'll make it into fun. If I can make wii bowling into a drinking game, I can make studying spanish into a sex game.
$5 long island pitchers = roommate pissing on his laptop at 3am.
I just scrubbed chocolate off the bathtub... You better have had a damn good birthday
I'm stranded in the Hampton area. Looks like I'm going to have to take one for the team and pass out by this applebees.
after we were done she whispered to my dick "you sir, are a genius"
I guess all those years with her as your babysitter finally paid off.
Well good for him for getting your number before he told you he had no money and needed you to pay for his drink!
OH HAPPY DAYS YOU'RE BOTH GINGERS YOU'LL REPRODUCE YOUR OWN KIND
I had to steal sneakers from my man of the night. I dipped. But then realized I left my purse in his house. So I had to stash the shoes in some bushes and wait for him on the stoop. Then after he watches me leave, I run back and get the shoes cuz I didn't wanna be taking my hour long journey home through London at 3 pm in my six inch wedges and club dress
He is currently in a meeting and I am sexting him in Italian
And he's using Google translate to reply. Who says cross country relationships can't be fun?
I don't think it's food poisoning, I think it's cause you cooked it over burning styrofoam
There is nothing worse then the feeling after you've held in farts all night..
What's his name?
I'm so glad you haven't fallen off any more yachts
Went to open youtube this morning, and the last search was "ten hours of whale sounds" Best pillow talk ever!
Um, just removed my insulin from the fridge so that I could fit our case in there. Tell me, who has their priorities straight? THIS GIRL.
Randomize
