last thing I heard her say before I passed out was 'this is great. I never get to be the big spoon.'
I want to apologize in advance in the event I put my boobs in your face
I'm not sure how appropriate a drug deal is while at a wake.
My roommate says its rare that you can be tear gassed before you lose your virginity so i feel accomplished in life
Dude.. full face helmets and hangovers do not mix... I am never going to get rid of the smell of puke.
I dont know what we smoked last night but I woke up and found out I started writing a book called White Trash Princess. Its the best thing Ive ever read
Its official, if she bites your dick through your jeans, ya'll go together. A lesson you shouldn't have to learn after the fact.
Half way through sex he whispered in my ear, " your the second best I've ever had" then proceeded to tell me to sit on his face.
He offered to buy me free breakfast if I stayed at the hotel overnight with him. I then realized they have a complimentary breakfast.
My Wonder Woman lingerie has been defiled by man. I'm a horrible Amazon.
I had sex with him in the back of my car in a duck onesie. I'm worth something dammit.
I gave him a HANDJOB.
But then he finished from a handjob in under two minutes so who's really laughing?
So? Find me, fuck me, then you can go to sleep and I'll leave.
Wow. That's the most amazing thing anyone has ever said to me.
Hahahaha. He sent me a dick snap in the lululemon stockroom. What is life. If this works out, this could benefit everyone....
You have my heart. You only share my vagina.
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