I passed out in the cab. Woke up to the cabby yelling SIR SIR WE ARE AT THE TRAIN STATION!! SIRRRR!!
So he says "lean over this" which is a chain across the doorway, held into the wall with bolts. I do. Then he puts his weight on top of me to try and get it in.
It breaks. We fall.
I now have a broken nose, a concussion, and an infected, split lip. Why do I have the worst luck in guys?
This pizza tastes like mashed potatoes. HOW HIGH DO YOU THINK I AM?
Also, I once came to the conclusion after this one boy, that her pleasure condoms are a college boys version of flowers
Well I disagree, 3 different men in my bed over my birthday was the perfect way to say goodbye to my childhood innocence
just had to sit in the middle of an aisle in stop and shop because we're too hungover and needed to take a break.
And the clouds opened up and the sex gods said I hate you alfalfa
I sat on the ground outside wawa chain smoking and telling two strangers about my sex life. I also accepted Rick James Bitch and Celine Dion as their names.
I've found myself wondering why I WASN'T naked before, but I generally always know why I am naked. Except now. WHY THE FUCK ARE WE ALL NAKED
You tried to steal my pants at 3am saying they were yours and somebody was gonna die, not cool dude
I've turned into a small time drug dealer, now who's the real MVP.
You know something is wrong with your life when your mom is at the bar getting free tequila shots and you aren't
what do u think we would be doing right now if we were together
Urinating on unicorns
Literally.... Guy kissing himself in mirror in this hotel elevator
imagine the bill from school house rock beating the shit outta you
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