I just spent twenty minutes with brandons dad explaining why head isnt typically considered sex...can we say awkward?
i wore my purity necklace wen we fucked. but its ok cuz simplified was blasting in the background
hahahaha. im glad listening to simplified justifies breaking ur promise to god
It was so romantic--he turned me around to face the sunset during doggy-style over the couch back.
You realize if you die tommorow, the last memory i'll ever have of you is your ballsack on skype
The cardboard box in my backseat wasn't strong enough to keep your pee contained. Come clean my car.
there's another hole in my ceiling...someone fell through the attic this time....
Some guy just yelled at me from his car "CLIIIIIIIIIITT"... I feel like this has something to do with last night....
im still going. this is my new reality. also. dont take glowsticks in the bath. they explode. actually. do. it. its beautiful.
i dont think thats healthy man...
My entire summer has consisted of being too drunk for this shit, too sober for this shit, or too hungover for this shit.
So help my penis see only you. Give him some attention as well.
She's been with the dude for a week saying she's in love. Yeah so am I. I just opened this beer 5 minutes ago and I LOVE IT ALREADY.
I DESERVE A BEADED TATTOOED MAN I'VE WANTED ONE FOR SO LONG
BEARDED TATTOOED MEN ARE PEOPLE AND NOT THINGS TO BE GIVEN FREELY
You have no idea the kind of bodily contortions I had to do to access your neighbor's WIFI
I think that's the first time I had "ass rimming" scroll across my phone at work
Don't tell me you're on acid again
Randomize
