My balls are so social today.
i've been called drunk 4 times today and it's only 3pm
Thanks for the menagerie of condoms on my desk
It's the use of SAT words like that which make me want to use them on you
I took a bird feeder and filled it with alka-seltzer. Can you say fireworks?
idk what id do withouhrh yoy btro
he picked an earring up off the bar floor and tried to give it to girls as a present.
I didn't ask for a picture of your soft dick.
This morning on my way to work I saw a guy ride his bike straight into a woman and her dog while trying to light a bowl. Thought of you.
Andy was trying to screw his door shut from the inside so no one could get in.
Actually let's just focus our energy on not getting committed to a psych ward.
Let's just says his mouth writes a lot of checks that his penis just can't cash. Don't waste your time.
I'm glad we can *facepalm* it together over the married couple we fucked separately.
I don't trust him but hanging out with him might be fun
he's literally satan but yeah probably
I'm honestly just saving all my liver's power for when I die this weekend. that's how it works right
this morning's inventory: a top hat, two empty bottles of everclear, half a slim jim, cigars, tiara, pot necklace, and some fishnets. and that's just my purse.
Randomize
