my number is 615-555-1212, <3 your favorite asshole
just saw a prosititute with a baby stroller...question is...if the baby wakes up is the blow job free?
so when she was in the shower, I took a pic of my dick with her phone and sent it to her brother saying, this just fucked your sister
she just made me lysol my hands in order to touch her tits.
I had it in my eyebrows, my bangs, under one eye, and across both cheeks. Congratulations on the successful and elusive warpaint cumshot.
I don't know how I got here... but I think I'm in a Christian Impact meeting... I'm trying to act as straight as possible. They can sense gay.
I'm pretty sure when you walk down Broadway and can pick out people you've slept with.. It might be a problem. I'm leaving for rehab tomorrow.
I just bought $54 in Easter crap to try and blend in the pregnancy test... And FYI, it totally worked.
Judging by the garbled spelling in the calendar reminders in my phone, drunk me really wanted sober me to take a pregnancy test today.
Despite popular belief cocaine is not a good pre-workout
That's one good thing about being an only child. I can masturbate wherever the fuck I want
This really high kid past out in the corner of the room holding a box of cheez its in his arm. My idol.
I just came rly close to telling a dude that I want to chew on him and there should be an oil painting of his ass up in the louvre before I realized that isn't how flirting is supposed to go
We broke up. My life is now 7 inches less.
I was so drunk I got motion sickness from sex.
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