I saw a chick at 8 am this morning walking back to my dorm wearing wings... I'm kind of jealous.
She kept saying I was her favorite Jonas brother, and for some reason, I was ok with that.
They past out watching a re-run of the 1984 presidential debate on cspan
You know its a good sign when a girl asks who everyone is AFTER she flashes her tits to the room.
Half my face is frozen, my vagina is broken, I'm wearing only gym shorts eating a plate of mashed potatoes, avatar is on my tv. There's a naked guy on my couch whose name idk. I needa talk to you asap
I'm tired and starving, and I'm pretty sure I just cost the company 33,000 dollars...fuck you and you're "you'll love going to work high" nonsense.
Also I'm sitting home alone with a big ass bowl of marshmallows right now just eating. It's so sad.
I just plagiarized Dr. Curtis Connor's ideology from Spider-man in an essay on genetically engineered embryos. College: academic integrity at its finest.
I watched you down those shots like a lion cub watching its mother rip apart a gazelle
You were petting your bowl of cocoa puffs and shushing it softly while staring at the mirror
Woke up in a fanny pack with a bag of cocaine on my cheek
Also my roomate used some of my condoms so she gave me her hummus. Great trade
It took me longer to jump start my car and get to his house than the fucking actually took.....
I told him I want him to read me my Miranda rights while he's fucking me. Act exactly like he does while he's on duty except with his dick out.
Ccatlin cimbing thru th sunroof plz come
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