The whole way homeyou were flapping your arms up and down, and when I asked why you said you were trying to tell Tony Danza about the angels.
Turns out, Windex will cut right through semen stains on a computer case.
you win again, gameday.
It's a shame that I don't know his last name. Actually, it's an ever bigger shame that I don't know his first name
She talked about nothing but beanie babies for 45 minutes. I'm never getting high with her again.
i can't decided whether the fact that her nipples are bigger then her palms is a problem or not
It's shit like that that makes me wish being deaf was contagious
True as that may be, are you coming to the birth of my imaginary child or not?
Just bought a beer belt to complete the Captain America outfit. I will do my part as a hero of America to pass out beer to the good citizens of America.
I just yelled at my mom for getting me circumcised without my permission. That drunk
I had sex with a mask on because I have the flu and I didn't want to get him sick.
I slept naked last night on stolen pillows. I felt like a golden goddess.
Sorry my friend with benefits tried to run you over with his car
That awkward moment when you bring a guy back to your place then have to tell him you only have magnums.
The cop was standing next to me when I texted "haha" to your phone...didn't realize that he had taken it already...
Randomize
