textsfromlastnight.com keeps rejecting me
that alone proves you never get laid, nor have a life.. or have anything funny to contribute to the world.
A stripper just got mad at me for saying goddammit. She's in no position to lecture me on morality
I feel so grown up. I just went to home depot to buy actual home improvement supplies instead of stuff to make a bong with.
you started putting condoms on anything with a point, then you were yelling at the lamp for using your last condom...
Laurln. I am dying. I am npt alive. Adderrall is not a real thing. Death is a rwal thing which I understandably
15 year-old stoners have those problems. we're college students dude. dont be like that...
It was fine until he came back to my place, grabbed a beer, HIGH-FIVED me, and left.
I didn't know he had a girlfriend until after we had sex when he said, "Man I really gotta stop cheating on my girlfriend."
Okay. So my choices are the sleeping Guy who looks about twelve and a man that looks like he was the original sandman. Im gonna need a beer for this......
he keeps various drugs in his kitchen cupboard like groceries. that is my new life goal as an adult.
2017 is gonna be explosive... Already watching fireworks out the window while shit my brains out. Happy Ew Year
Did your grand seduction include learning to play careless whisper on a kazoo or was that just a hobby
I’m literally watching say yes to the dress, eating fancy cheeses with crackers, and I have orange dark chocolates. All of which is being washed down with merlot. And I’m 100% sure a porno is gonna go down next door tonight. They don’t have a car and arrived via taxi. Happy holidays from motel 6 Pendleton Oregon!
I gave him breakup sex, AGAIN
So some guy thought I took second place in a male stripper competition
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