It was kind of weird
What did your mom walk in?
She flung her tampon across the room.
So Easter dinner for me was at 4:40 this morning where i made Bagel Bites and had a glass of Chardonnay
you were saying "i am the vodka queen!" and then in a different voice replying to yourself "all hail the vodka queen! you are so beautiful!"
The thing is you're all "holy crap this isn't nearly as bad as I thought pissing on my own face would be."
Just went through ex bf's and hook up buddys and liked pictures of them on facebook. A friendly reminder that I will be back in for the holidays
I thought of you while cleaning the forehead prints off my glass doors.
Standing on the street at 6am in Hong Kong drinking beer. Watching all the hookers do the walk of shame from our hotel. How did I get here? Maybe all my bad choices in my life were really good ones?
What kind of a birthday party isn't a get drunk and ruin everything party
He's laying next to me passed out dressed as a hooters girl
I bet he's a super pretty hooters girl
If you're wondering why you have playpen balls it's because we stopped at chuckie cheese on the way home.
I'm so high that I'm intently watching my neighbor move his car back and forth in order to put his motorcycle in the garage, and getting irritated that it seems so complicated.
He has no idea he's waking up in slut palace tomorrow morning
Fire trucks are here again. It wasn't me this time.
Booty called 3 guys from my hospital bed
Took the ex out to the bar, then left with her and her best friend....and you said this was a bad thing.
Randomize
