Passing las posas road. In a world of pain. Im trying to piss in a bottle through the hole in my crotch. I wish i had a bigger dick.
dude my little brother busts into my room last night and yells did you know that grandma is hiding scrambled eggs between her legs
All I know is I had a penis in one hand a bottle of wine in the other
To say he's a good fuck is like saying the beatles had a bit of success. My vag is still mourning the fact he moved.
I'm just glad you're the only person I can have a "remember when we thought I was pregnant" conversation with.
LOOK AT MY HAIR, DOES THIS LOOK LIKE THE HAIR OF A PERSON WHO HAS HER LIFE TOGETHER?
That sad moment when even your drug dealer lands a summer internship and you don't...
If I don't get my shit together, I'm going to be one of those really fucked up cases on 1000 ways to die
this night may include but is not limited to : police encounters, wild animals, stomach pumping, and waking up in a field
You've never felt ridiculous until you've walked through downtown in a Viking costume
She told me she was the Publishers Clearing House of Dicks. Two dicks a day, everyday for life.
I'd rather explain to the cops why I'm naked than why I'm drunk.
One of the guys just came in and goes "i walked all the way home with a pumpkin". Night just got better.
i'll explain later but cookie monster is playing the xylophone
I snuck a teenager into a club last nite, I felt like such a criminal. It was Awsome
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