i just shit an entire soup salad and breadsticks from the olive garden... bud light wins again.
I told him I had my daily dose of vitamin c so i wouldn't blow him
I think i found my new favorite workout. Go to a party where you dont know anybody and constantly walk around the house so you dont look awkward standing alone. im up to 1.8 miles
I just had a Brazilian done for this guy. He's getting first-date sex whether he wants it or not.
Do you think it'd be inappropriate to have an I'm Not Keeping My Baby Party the day after her baby shower?
Imagine if you could have something so delicious, like your taste buds went on LSD while eating a chocolate tiramisu. That's the opposite of what cum tastes like.
you should have walked with me to my car. you just missed a girl rip off her bra and throw it into a dumpster and scream mardi gras
This girl ordered Hershey syrup and red wine and he made it for her
We just broke my bed mid-sex, laughed, then continued. If that isn't true love I don't know what is.
You guys I wore sweatpants to work today because I simply forgot to put on real pants and I had a weed brownie and a juice box for breakfast. I am not ready for parenting.
Every time I start to think he's just not worth the trouble, he puts his face down there and I wanna buy him a car
You could totally spank that new found Catholicism out of him.
I let a 30 year old guitar player that works at a call center go down on me in his backseat last night
Just puked in front of a high school tour group. Based on the standing ovation, we have a solid group of freshman coming in this fall.
He was eating me out on a samsung washing machine and as soon as I came, I heard the "end of cycle" song. That tune will now always remind me of the screaming, multiple orgasms I recieved tonight!
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