My first STD was from a foam party
Do you ever creep on the girls you have banged and wondered how their walk of shame went?
She's like a pop up book from hell.
You are forgiven. I sent you a picture of a pumpkin man as a gesture of reconciliation.
Now he's galloping around the bar. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
Fell asleep on the Grass at Lolla woke up in the Brown line. What. The. Fuck.
That's what you get for drunk dialing me to ask what kind of flowers I like while outside of a strip club, after telling me you "made it rain"
Passive mediator is your role in this relationship. My role is dick punching arsonist
Between my vag yelling at me for having bad sex and my legs yelling at me for going to the gym I cant hear myself think.
Oh, and I'm only keeping her around till spring. Doing the hunt for cunt is too tough in 12" of snow.
This ER has an aquarium in it!!!
He stopped in the middle of having sex to ask me what shampoo I use. Apparently my hair smelled good
Thanks for letting me pee on your bed and cry about nothing to you. You're a real friend
I'm determined to sit on that face.
i'm sitting in my room 'bout to smoke a bowl. also, i found out that you don't need a permit to own a tiger in wisconsin, so we're buying one when we move in together.
Randomize
