i knew he was a douchebag when his facebook activities were "ladeis," and "gettin crunk wit ladeis"
They thought I was the paid stripper pretty much, and a lady tried to set me up with her nephew and then wanted to get my number for lesbian daughter... A typical night for me
Well it went from being a hug to a straight out tackle through the back door.
I made a side by side comparison of her Facebook pic and the chick on the anti meth billboards. Plus a ven diagram showing mostly shared physical attributes. I sent u the PowerPoint. You were sufficiently warned.
This is the fourth day in a row I've walked outside in the same pajamas. I think the neighbors have finally given up on judging me.
You were greeting everyone with " Hi I'm Jess show me your dick" whether they were dudes or not.
Some older looking guy gave me his card as he exited the train. Hes a pharmaceutical rep. I'm debating asking him for a job. Obv he wants sex but if I can get a job out of this maybe I can offer him more than a cheap dry handjob bc that's all I'm really up for these days
well that's what you get for sleeping with a guy called 'the defiler'
So basically he is jobless, a potential serial killer, and has poor taste in music? We simply don't have time for that.
I found a Trump-humping republican virgin born on the goddamn Fourth of July. I NEED to hate-fuck him.
On a brief change if topic, last night I dreamt I got shit faced with bill Nye the science guy and we went bar to bar and explained the science of alcohol to everyone who'd give us free drinks. We wore bow ties
Whatever he got a sick blow job and his high school fantasy was fulfilled
And that's what dreams are made of
*hilary duff crying in the background*
So what happened at girls night? My roomate found me passed out locked out on the front steps of the house and it was raining. Yes low moment
Okay. Did I say I did anything unusual? Because I usually do weird stuff. Did I clean mirrors? My mirrors are really clean, and I think I remember having windex..
Look, if it comes down to it, I’m spraying whipped cream on your nuts
Randomize
