dude i feel like shit
well u did eat a lot of play-doh
Just saw the first guy i ever slept with in drag. I can hear my grandfather saying "i knew she was a lesbian" somewhere
Had sex to a Lionel Richie song. I have a feeling I was conceived to it. Finally reached full circle.
Hangover cure: shower, throw up again, sleep for 4 hours, eat salsa, brush teeth. Good to go.
I think you begin to realize how unfair life really is when you're high and you discover that the new box of fruit by the foot on your shelf is actually empty
My new dealer is 16. I have been getting high longer than he has been alive.
I don't see the problem
Why are you awake at 6am and liking photos from rando Russian chicks on Instagram?
woke up in your bed at 6 AM. on my way home I passed Nathan, bloody, barefoot, and still in a toga. He told me he woke up in a ditch then kept repeating "I'm totally bringing this up at meeting tomorrow". I'm proud of your frat today
Nooo, I ran into two if my exes, both having their engagement parties at the bar. It was like a fucking Eskimo family reunion, but with more tequila.
He literally took a shit in my bathroom and then broke up with me.
In hindsight following that black guy in the ghostbusters costume was a terrible decision on everyone's part
I dunno, there's just something so\ncomforting about having his penis in my mouth.
Pinterest knows I’m getting divorced
idk what to be more embarrassed/confused about, that i lost my underwear or that i woke up covered in fried rice
You threw away your W2 to make more room in your purse for liquor.
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