pube in her braces AGAIN. barely kept a straight face.
alright she left, finally time to fart up the room
At Wal-Mart last night I watched two guys scramble for $4.34 to pay for a pack of ping pong balls and red solo cups. They had to put the .34 on a credit card. Winter break begins!
Motor boating, judging by the amount of lipstick I found I would say between 6 to 8 times
oh ps. last night you kept telling me to calm down because everything was fine cause you were getting "arab money"...
His appology was" look at it this way, at least you'll give better head without those teeth.'
why did I try to FaceTime with 311 last night?
The only good thing about this is that the pharmacy guy will stop trying to add me on Facebook.
I was making out with him, and then his friend randomly took off my pants and started going down on me. My first semi-threesome was a success.
I can't ever date him again. Whenever I see his face I just remember helplessly pissing myself in my car.
We can stop fighting if you send me a picture of your dick standing at full attention wearing a sock.
I'll wait.
It can also be a hat.
seriously considering getting an electric blanket rather than sleeping with guys this winter for warmth.
Someone needs to fuck me in my slutty pumpkin costume and I would ideally like it to be you
I’m getting reeeeaaalll tired of telling cute boys I gave them chlamydia.
That’s two in three months. You really know how to live.
The progression was banging a stripper banging an unemployed stripper banging a sexual entrepreneur quarantining with benefits totally fucking whipped. Get it right dude
Randomize
