Just saw two guys having a lawn mower race, and their girlfriends cheering them on. Get me out of Tehachapi,
We just took the batteries out of the fire alarm to play the breathalyzer game. I love college.
What's the point of having 3 fuck buddies when their periods all seem to sync up
you kind of just crawled on top of him. that was the point at which i became concerned with how drunk you were.
That place is a DUI and an STD waiting to happen. I think I'll pass.
He says he invented a new sex move called The Redbird that we can only do when I'm on my period. Should I be concerned?
Back. Waiting on Thong the shuttle bus driver. THONG
We're not piercing ourselves today.
Was about to close the deal last night until he said he hadn't seen the Taylor Swift video. So I made him watch it before I let him have sex with me.
Sexting is killing my work productivity but it's okay because I'm self-employed
Yep. The ghost of my sex life is in your house.
hey u leave my anime porn out of this
I got very very very high last night and bought a cotton candy machine on eBay
its 2pm and were already starting beer pong...its gonna be a good night
YOU'RE NOT THE ONE BEING EVISCERATED BY YOUR OWN UTERUS SO GET SOME DAMN SLEEP YOU FOOL!
Randomize
