just chased whiskey with a pickle. i definitely recommend it
The water bill last month was outrageous. We have got to stop fucking for hours in the shower
noo you weren't that drunk. you just knocked the grill over and couldn't get the key in the door, so you climbed through the window. success.
once you started introducing yourself as "running-bear" i knew you were beyond fucked up
Any coincidence your getting married tomorrow and it's the most predicted day for the rapture? Just saying
I played ping pong,drunk, with my hand instead of the paddle. And i won. I have hidden talents
We call her skankles because she's a skank and she has cankles, I thought that was obvious
He's a 30 yr old man who voluntarily goes by Stevie and his job title is "Jumbotron Operator". There's a 97.5% chance he lives in his mom's basement. STOP THIS NOW!!!
The orgasm I got from him made me feel almost as good as I imagine the girls in the tampon commercials feel.
You grabbed my shirt and said, "hope you're not attached" and ripped it off before I could answer you.
Wait, but now I'm curious. In what position were y'all when the cops came? Were you guys butt ass naked in the car? 😂😂
He started praying immediately after we hooked up, condom on and everything.
Thank god for Taco Bell keeping you out of jail
Why do my weekends always degenerate into using my little brothers childrens board games for drinking games?
When are you getting back?
Well google maps doesn't have an estimated time for crawling... Could be days
Randomize
