I can't get in trouble, i'm smoking a bong in the office right now
so... another position just opened up(704) Oh really?(704) Is it John's?(704) Or did you find a new way to take a penis?
Thank god i puked near the cancer center. makes me look like a chemo patient
One of my coworkers just invited me to a wet t-shirt contest this weekend in honor of her son's 21st Birthday.
ARE YOU GOING TO SACRIFICE YOUR LIFE FOR MCDONALDS HASHRBOWNS
There is a bottle of ciroc waiting graciously on my breakfast table. It's almost a sign for me to live up to my Russian blood.
don't say the first was when I crawled under into the dressing room
Great way to live...just blowing loads on upholstery
Dude I'm riding a fucking tortoise this is awesome you should come with me more often
Used my brand new sperrys as a trash can to throw up in and woke up with someone's random key in my hair...new year new me:)
Hes done the math! Hes calculated how much sex it's going to take to fuck 365 miles. Now thats a little brother im proud of. New resolutions are a go!
If you can't have hot, loud sex in a dorm for the last time ever, what can you do in this world?
Don't you hate falling asleep on the couch with a glass of wine in your hand? It's like dreaming about peeing and then realizing you've peed the bed only stickier.
My hookup from last weekend apparently got arrested today... his roommate just tagged me on facebook asking for bail money.
So. Much. Porn.
Randomize
