you said youd get me home safely, you dropped me off at 9:30 last night and i just woke up on my porch.
she said i was amazing, then i left to room to take the rubber off and came back to find her masturbating with my xbox controller while niko got a call from roman.
Just because i have a masturbation problem doesnt mean you can put 20 photos of Jesus in my room.
Piggyback rides are my preferred mode of transportation.
I just spent 10 min explaining to my mom how orange is a strange color. I think she knows
Damn why is there no horse blowjob emoji?
Also. When I die, I'm gonna have them put me in the casket naked and then have an open casket funeral. That will be my last chance to make people uncomfortable.
As a heterosexual male nursing student, the odds are ever in my favor. My first semester has basically been The Horny Games. I've killed almost all of the competitors at this point.
Seriously dude...who threw up on Michelle? She's been crying for like an hour
So I woke up really sad and then I looked in the cabinet and there was weed and now I'm not sad anymore
Now everytime I sit on a toilet I think about having sex with him. Great.
I don't have any soul left to be crushed.
I texted him back and I am so nervous I may vomit up all of the soup I just ate.
We did blind alcohol taste testing and she got 10 of 10. I'm in love.
Grandpa just whipped it out and started pissing on the way to the game stuck in traffic. I saw EVERYTHING. :(
Randomize
