my mouth tastes like poor choices
my goal in life is to wake up with my underwear on
im sitting in my room wearing my power rangers shirt watching a movie about a magical dragon. Ive totally forgotten what having a sex life is like.
if you really think there are plastic pots safe for the stove i fear for your future landlords.
I think I just inadvertently started a sex competition with my roommate and her boyfriend.
On that note if you see a hobo smiling with a pack of cigarettes and an AMP energy drink, that was my good deed for the day
Apparently I walked to Denny's in the pouring rain without shoes just socks last night. Excellent.
Apparently I told a girl last night, that's she's super beautiful and I don't want to fuck she just deserves being eaten out
I'm just saying; the box truck will cost less then dorms or rent, and we can always crash where the party is.
He is getting married. In the time it took for this conversation he probably cheated on her three times
We perfected the quiet ass slap during sex so his roommate wouldn't wake up.
He came inside and met my grandmother after we had sex in the driveway. I love that he has a van.
this is a PSA to never have sex in a bed from ikea
Update: I just threw up in between cars in the parking lot of magic kingdom.
Hey, I left a taco in your dishwasher.
Randomize
