Can we have unprotected sex soon?
Don't quote me on that, I'm a walking boner
walking home from your place the other day I saw a man with a ponytail sitting on some church steps petting a plant
he should get drunk with us
I'm going to fuck him so hard that his dick is going to fracture
Glad to see your being a lady about this
My roommate just called. He's in Miami and has no idea how he got there. He also has a ticket to Buenos Aires that he can't explain. I figured you'd have the explanation.
This girl just swallowed a pealed banana whole. I'm not worthy.
Sober now. I'm really glad I didn't try to make out with that guy who has a pregnant fiance
If those antibiotics mean you can't drink, ya might as well pack your bags and re-enroll next fall, because sobriety this week would be social suicide.
I'm eating ramen over the toilet. Fuck my life
I'm crying at a bar by myself drinking a pear martini drawing things dicks are scared of. How was your day?
Nothing like snapchatring dick pics to a\nMarried woman while your girlfriend destroys Taco Bell in the next room. Almost caught, worth it. Got boobs back
I mean in all honesty I would let James Franco shit on my chest. End of story
Rule 1: If any of us dies on a trip, the other two have to 'Weekend at Bernies' the shit outta that corpse...
We shall need something stronger. Anal lube, the blood of a giraffe, and a bay leaf should do the trick. Make the paste and cover your left knee and anus in it.
This friendship isnt goin to work if you dont respond to my drunk texts
I can't really feel a difference, so essentially I paid 60 bucks to bedazzle my vag.
Randomize
