i'm in the guys across the halls apartment. i think 7 MIP guy wants me. he just got a medical marijuana card. might be worth it.
So I'm pretty sure I fucked the dept of homeland security guy on my kitchen table. No recollection of it, but there are signs.
I'm terrified to sleep next to her. Of course the sex will be fuckng awesome.
Just passed a guy passed out on a riding lawn mower in his front yard.
She just said she wanted to get freaky and left the room. I'm almost certain I just heard the microwave.
we found her in my closet eating a clove of garlic.
There is a newly found video on my phone of me following you to the bathroom to watch you throw up. sorry I didn't hold your hair
Do you know anything about the Easter basket sitting on my doorstep filled with porn and peeps?
Chelsea passed out in the kiddie pool. Just added around 28 boxes of jello powder. Will let you know how it works out
Almost just bought a peacock. I need to get off Craigslist
Drink for every country you've never heard of.
Fuuuuuuuuuck
I know how to make vodka btw in case you want to come over and do a science project
You had two tasks: \n1) put on a condom \n2) text me so I don't walk in on you \nIt really isn't that hard
Today is the day I die from a hangover. I love you, mom. Farewell.
I just remembered touching your bosses wife's fake tits last night. Thanks again for taking me to your work function.
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