What would you say if someone told you they liked your lips?
Which ones?
i will soon be in a relationship on fb
you!?
me and your mom. i mean, lisa.
Just burped. Tasted like beer and cherios...Beerios. This is gonna be quite a day.
Squirrels and blue jays and dove-like things. They're just frolicking around in my backyard. I wanna be like them.
Have you ever tried running while drinking 151?
He fell off a seesaw, tore half his ear off and somehow convinced the paramedic he was allowed to have a beer while being treated
I tried to tell her I've only slept with 3 other people...she then named off 5 of her sorority sisters I fucked and asked me if she should continue
Results of pregaming honors college basketball social: 18 points, 3 blocks, and 3 flagrant fouls leading to 2 broken bones on former valedictorians. I'm doing this more often.
If drinking before honors events and injuring our universities brightest doesn't get you kicked out of the program, you're not trying hard enough.
He asked me to spit in his mouth. I did. Never let me hook up with this guy again.
I need to establish a pattern of dominance early.... I'm like a slutty Cesar Milan
What people don't tell you about near death experiences is they give you a full on chub
Every time I start to think he's just not worth the trouble, he puts his face down there and I wanna buy him a car
He held my hand in public and I nearly came. Like he needs to be inside of me yesterday.
90% sure I just sold adderall to my professor
100% proud
Im going for myspace 2006 goth bitch. Your worst nightmare
Randomize
