She's a black belt cougar in the 6th degree.
my "about me" section on Facebook should read "hell-bound alcoholic who wants to fuck a 40-year-old crackhead"
Considering that my ex-wife dumped me to become a lesbian, the Universe owes me a threesome.
just woke up in the beanbag bin at walmart
I'm high, and her 2,100 tagged pictures annoy me even MORE. I wish it had a google searchbar so I could type in "cleavage pics" to get to the point.
our health teacher's ringtone is Bad Romance and she has a tramp stamp. i will not skip this class, ever.
Nothing good has ever or will ever come from 50 cent beers at the bowling alley..
The bottle I was drinking out of splintered on the bottom, there was glass in my hand, I pulled it out with my teeth... Not the best night for Drunk Kevin
I made out with him with my retainers in. My drunken hook-ups get lazier and lazier.
She just looked down there and said "i breed horses. this is better than anything ive ever seen."
The bed I'm sleeping in has a headboard only handcuffs could love. I'm gonna pick up a local dude and wreck that.
woke up to a case of keystone on my porch when I went to bed at seven that morning.. I think it's someone's peace offering for getting my roommates car towed
My desire to pee is a lot higher than my need to be buzzed right now.
I'm more than my video games and dildo collection
Ah Christ I think I've reached the single life mentality 100%. I just inquired a photographer about a photo shoot with my dog.
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