suddenly, hermaphrodite night sounds like a really bad idea
I'm on his itunes. He has a sex playlist. It's actually not so much a playlist as 12 Kylie Minogue songs with a big gay Whitney finish.
What started as a "classy" double date ended with Jeremy and I tripping our balls off and talking to the refrigerator while the girls cried on the couch and questioned where their lives were heading.
I gave up. I'm crying over my notes. Oh, ya know, just another drunk finals week
Zach is always passed out on the floor somewhere.face down in a puddle of his own absurdity
i want to go make food but i'll have to face my mom after telling her that the random i'm sleeping with, whose name i don't know, told me I was "too slutty to be his girlfriend" when i was drunk last night
I've honestly never felt so much emotion towards a wall
I like to imagine god has to get plastered to deal with the fact that he made you and me
thank you for extending my knowledge of the effects of vodka. speak of what happened last night and i will kill you and send your fingers to your loved ones.
Saved a second guy who was crying/on the verge of wigging out. Just call me the drug whisperer.
I just faked an orgasm while masturbating. Idk what exactly my problem is but I have one
We grabbed as many adult diapers as we could and made a run for it.
I'm not sure why, but my salad smells like a Big Mac. Or maybe that's just the smell of yesterday's, seeping through my skin.
His cat just sat there and simultaneously bobbed his head up and down while I blew him
Had phone sex with my boss who I still haven’t seen in person. How’s your Monday ?
Randomize
