I just called a phone sex line and you know what I did? I sat there and cried
Police were just in my backyard to recover a loaded .38. What the fuck?????
May i just say it is extremely difficult to pee in a cape
Seeing Harry Potter 3D stoned: Pro- giant redheads w/cute accents. Con-weeping for stoners who only had Pink Floyd laser shows.
Look what our sorority has done to us...we're hitting on girls in hopes of getting an awesome little.
One thing noone tells you about getting put in the drunk tank is do it barefoot. You get free flipflops.
When we do our power hour over Skype I'm just going to sit on the toilet so that way I won't have to get up in the middle of it and miss any shots
I HOPE YOURE READY TO KICK SOME SERIOUS ASS AT TRIVIA NIGHT TOMORROW NIGHT. also, i hope the birth of your niece goes well. BUT MOSTLY TRIVIA NIGHT.
I knew as soon as he opened a beer with his teeth to shotgun it that I was going to sleep with him. I'm never going home.
I think animal control just caught me smoking a bowl on the back porch. Do they have any say in this matter?? Haha
I've started a list of places i want to drink. To go along with the list of places i want to have sex. Lincoln's log cabin is on both.
She asked me to come on her OkCupid date with her
It's a special kind of bond when your gay brother takes pics of you topless at a frat party.
well ya only live once...
that cant be your answer for every horrible thing you do
I did not marry a roomba.
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