Does it count as a shower if I just sat in the tub singing I'm a Little Teapot?
She asked me how I live with myself. I told her one night at a time.
Well fuck that. I mean, I made out with my cousin once. Who gives a fuck.
then he asked me if i wanted to "handle his wingman"
She's yelling about threesomes and realllly wants you to come over. Put the pieces together.
Why is there blood and lettuce everywhere?
Also on a more serious note, what says pull my hair more: straight or soft curls?
Just puked up hair, tacos and vodka. Hello Memorial Day weekend.
She literally just puked and rallied AT HER OWN WEDDING. Welcome to White Trash town, America.
She clicked her fingers, said "here boy!", and pointed at her vagina.
Someone had Captain Morgan and orange juice at the same moment I lost my hangover and I just had to give it a try.
People were staring and acting all judgmental and offended... Like they've never seen anyone breastfeed in a liquor store.
I SWEAR TO GOD IF SHE FUCKS WITH OUR GOLD GENE POOL
i got my period today. mid walk of shame and im wearing a shirt that says stay classy. my life is a joke.
Staff meetings will be awkward since my boss and I both did the new intern
Maybe she doesn’t know you did him
Oh she definitely knows - it was a threesome
Please tell me you’re not taking life advice from porn scripts again
Randomize
