I had a disgustingly explicit dream last night involving myself and lil wayne.
i wore my purity necklace wen we fucked. but its ok cuz simplified was blasting in the background
hahahaha. im glad listening to simplified justifies breaking ur promise to god
Just had a conversation with Jon gosselin
Until you fuck him in front of his kids stop wasting my time with stupid texts.
my tits taste like a pina colada. how often do you get to say that?
They had a "who can aim further away from the toilet" contest. I'm now washing piss off my ceiling.
The a/c is broken so they cut a softball size whole in the freezer door. Goodbye deposit.
Ive waited a long time for a girl with prescriptions like yours.
he slipped a picture of a kangaroo under my door that said "im sorry" on the back and passed out on my lawn.. who the fuck is this kid?
They have a stripper pole on their deck. Normal.
I woke up without my clothes on covered up with a towel on the floor because for some reason I took a bath in my clothes at 2am.
I'm just opting for alcohol abuse, ramen and cuddling with my dog for now.
My one regret (beside the inevitable shit storm that followed) is that now I can't fuck his cute friend.
He wouldn't shut up so I started sending him pictures of animal dicks
In other news, I just sneezed and almost shit myself. What is happening to my life??
I went in the hotel's jacuzzi fully clothed, threw up in the bathroom half an hour later and woke up naked next to Dr. Seuss' "Oh the Places You'll Go"
Randomize
