I just ran from Santa Claus in Kroger
people are starting to question the shark bite story
ONE NIGHT STAND. You have 27 minutes before the offer expires, so I suggest you hurry.
2 classes, 3 finals, and $30 worth of adderall until this semester is over.
It's not a good night until someone eats a bagel covered in face mask thinking it's cream cheese
We're discussing which museums we should go to when we shroom. How ill would Picasso be?
Uh yeah. I ate a brick of cheese. Didn't even cut it. We were admiring the teeth marks I was leaving. We decided it was the negative of my mouth
You would think the bank would reward me for getting my account down to 3 cents without overdrafting it.
her 18 year old son fed me pieces of a french roll like a pigeon, as I lay on the floor of the bathroom crying.
Nothing screams fatass like a pizza that doesn't fit in your car
Relaxed was like phase 1 of this phase 7 high
I'm a great relationship counselor. My vagina will let you know if your relationship is gonna work or not.
He's the douchy one who wouldn't let me rip his shirt off, right?
How drunk were you? in an effort to seduce him, you demonstrated your lap dance skillz on his dog.
I just googled "how to blow an uncircumcised guy" and did serious research. That's how badly I want to fuck him.
You misuse your internet privileges.
Randomize
