Prostitute standing on the corner thrusting at cars as they drive by. New marketing strategy?
I don't know who he was, where he came from, or where he went, but he just handed me a bowl of mac and cheese and left. It was good too.
I gave him head while he watched NASCAR. My future flashed before my eyes.
we should hire that guy that makes pancakes that we met last weekend for our next party. He can feed us, and regulate!
Somehow me not being able to breathe due to cocaine doesn't seem very domesticated.
He left his shoes, boxers and socks at my house & managed to walk home to his dorm without realizing anything was missing until 3 days after. That's the last time i'll ever hook up with a freshman.
I say we start a new tradition. I came up with it all by myself. It's called work out, lay out, black out
Uhh... I think I meant "Be proud, I'm taking shots before my public speaking test." "Coffee and vodka is not good" and "Also, I'm giving blood drunk."
STOP SETTING ME UP WITH GUYS YOU MEET ON CRAIGSLIST
It's not ok to announce to a group of people playing beer pong that a girl put her finger in your butt last night. I now know this
dont know how to tell my grandparents I woke up in a frat house in the wrong town and that's why I can't see them today
Today some guy at work told me I had the nicest hair he's ever seen and my response was "thanks I grew it myself". This is why I'm single.
And all i could do was bury the part of me that felt guilty for cradle robbing and put on my dick swallowing bib.
Is this because I accidentally peed on you?
Btw. I have a sinus infection from doing cocaine in a portapotty at a Duran Duran concert. So, gimme a couple of days before y'all start the party.
Randomize
