Sry I called you an 8
I still can't believe I found a dildo in my ceiling today.
I'm not saying we can't have sex tonight, I'm just saying we have to work it around Lost.
I love you and want you to know that you're the best friend ever and me lassoing you with a seatbelt was out of sheer affection.
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He knows as soon as he hits chameleon eye status drunk, he is guaranteed to piss the bed we NEED to push him there
At what point were we discussing suction-cupping a dildo to the wall?
rumor has it I kept asking you to go to the "tall grass" with me...sorry about that.
he told me he didn't know whether he was gonna puke, pass out, or cum. i don't know if i should be flattered or offended.
He's so urbane and sleek; so aesthetically chiseled, having endless features to offer me whenever I desire.
Are you fucking a guy or a condo building?
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Dude, he danced with the dog that some random chick was carrying at the bar. Then the dog jumped out of his arms and ran away. THAT definitely deserves a drink.
You were trust falling into bushes
He has no idea I'm scrolling through Instagram while he's going down on me. I'm so bored.
Just had a threesome with my best friend and LSAT teacher...just checked three things off my bucket list in one night
After the bar we stopped to Meijer where I found myself singing little mermaid while rubbing a pack of hotdogs on my face..
I am putting clothes on to go find a brownie
In my experiences, brownies are better naked.
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