If I could pick any std, I would pick genital herpes. Seriously. Have you seen the commercials? The lady is riding a fucking bike, swimming, and on a date. I have a perfectly fine vag and all I do is go to the library.
i did the 'picked up item' thing from zelda when i jizzed on her face
so you're single again?
yea but it was worth it
She's helping me study for the final by writing the vocab words all over her body.
I kept feeling my boobs..just to make sure they were still there.
You were dancing around the clubbing yelling "best wingman ever" and raising your cast in the air
Our funnel is on top of our neighbors roof.
I know you`re my best friend, but when i wake up with this bad of a hangover and no memories of last night, i dont want to see your tits ad my background.
We 6 way cheers-ed with French fries last night, hammered, in the booth.
I'm sitting outside your room listening for sex noises eating pepperoni...slowly
i have never been so sexually frustrated as I am right now. I feel like dying...is death an option?
Why make bad decisions when I can watch you?
Dude I asked him to get me beef jerky at 4 am and he actually walked to CVS to get it. CVS closes at 12 but it was the perfect opp to dip out
Based on my calculations, I should be blackout by approximately 11:14pm and that's when I need you to take my phone away from me. Mkay?
I'm covered in jizz and the toll booth lady knew it
I'm naked and there are two trees and a yield sign
Be right there
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