the sham wow guy got arrested for beating up a hooker.
how do u look a man in the eye when u own both his daughters V-Cards?
home. puking in laundry basket.
you made pancakes with beer, you said they were good. then you threw up 15 minutes later
Dude with the Beatles haircut just got his pilots license and wants to take us up to do a case race mid flight. Don't tell me networking is unnecessary.
I had sex with her because I didn't want to hurt her feelings.. You're the one who told me I should be more sensitive.
Great News, you CAN smoke bowls with a magnifying glass
Just rented the SCUBA equipment. Meet me at the pool to test the underwater beer bong idea.
If I ever write a book, i'm calling it "why do i work with fucktards?"
It'll be a good sequel to my other book, "why do i sleep with fucktards?"
Was it just me or did you also find it awkward when "glad you came" started playing on pandora right after you finished?
I just overheard this sorority girl saying "It's like trick or treting but for alcohol and with no costumes." I'm jealous.
Cant really say how it happened but i woke up in the middle of the night and somehow pissed all over connors dad
She's going to be the first to die of too much illness. Not even super bad stuff like cancer but like for having a cold at the same time as a sore throat and chlamydia or something. Just too much diseases.
I don't know if apple cider everclear was such a good idea
I wasn't supposed to sleep w him. So of course I sent him gps location to my bed.
Randomize
