Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
I want to make a zoo with you.
I thought this kinda shit only happens to ugly people
I really wanna talk..
if by talk you mean have nasty makeup sex involving marshmellow fluff.. I'm down
Im sure that doesnt mean its ruined... It was your bithday you get a free "im drunk at 7 am" card
sweetheart all i remember is you throwing up and saying "i thought things would be better now that barack obama is president"
Awww. A guy on the train just took his coat off so his girlfriend could throw up into it. Who says chivalry is dead?
I apparently insisted on hugging all the bushes and apologizing for pollution on the way home.
I'm wearing a suit and have no chance of getting laid or robing a casino. I consider this opportunity a failure
I love 3rd shift and working at a hotel I just had a late night booty call while I was getting paid..could life get any better??
Hooked up with a straight guy while dressed as a man. I'm unstoppable.
I swear she is the Mary Poppins of drugs
Whoever was doing lines off my iPad is a dick. Also bring Gatorade, for I hunger
For Who flesh?
I may have unintentionally punched your cat twice but he's an asshole anyway.
You were arrested in a tiara again... maybe you shouldn’t wear one.
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