I woke up to him trying to put his dick in my mouth. When I asked him what he was doing he said he was trying to make me stop snoring...
You said you were collecting Asians for your Kate Gosselin costume.
Tomorrow will not be complet unless someone eats me out. Just sayin
he opened up his "box of magic": a crusty tube of KY jelly, three expired condoms, a fingertip vibrater, and a jar of marshmallow fluff.
Protip: If you slur the word 'tipsy', you've progressed beyond tipsy.
I just negotiated a blow job for an interview.
This is just what we do. We meet guys, go back to their place, smoke all their weed & go home to compete in out own version of Cupcake Wars.
This is why I can't have Wednesdays.... Or adult decisions.
she came back from her house with A paper cut , a 2liter of sprite with Bacardi , and half a mustache . we're inviting her more ofte
Nothing says "lifelong friendship" like FaceTiming in a sex shop.
my hand froze to the top of can of beer cuz i fell asleep outside. i decided to find a way to open the bottom of the can before addressing my severe frostbite. PRIORITIES!
She has this wild look other eyes like she wouldn't be afraid to commit a felony.
I did it on acid. I can cook bacon on any condition
Btw his name is Woody. I must be really drunk to think this is a good situation
did i get sucker punched in the face last night or was our make-out session just that intense?
Randomize
