A female Wisconsin fan just headbutted the bouncer. Im deeply terrified and oddly aroused at the same time.
Who has a video camera? i want to look back on this one day and say OH thats why i spent 2 years in jail
I just used my glow stick from the dance to find my way in the bathroom to puke. Who wants me on their corporate team
Welcome to the difference between being FWBs (remember how we used to see who could get more lap dances a night?) and being in a relationship. Fun, huh?
I live vicariously through you. No one mistakes me for a hooker anymore. I look like a stay at home mom of three. On bad days of four.
Apparently I've told this bouncer I stalk him on Instagram 3 times. I should stop drinking. I only remeber saying it tonight. early sign of Alzheimer's
I hooked up with Spider-Man on the hood of Santas car. I kept saying that he could shoot his web at me. Also I found Waldo. Overall good night.
you're no funn. i shall go consult my friend vodka on this matter.
What kind of friend would I be if I didn't make you hate things you once loved?
im gonna shove his purity ring down his throat
Oh man I knew I took that Molly too soon, talkin to some Scottish people lol but don’t like rollin in pizza restaurants.
You texted me a picture of some random naked guy. Did you lose your virginity?
There better be alcohol at this child's birthday party. Seriously not trying to be entertained by a clown while I'm still sober.
How's work going?
Boring. I have a cat on a leash right now
it was weird i started the party in just my underwear and woke up in my clothes
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