you poured 3 beers into an empty vase and then passed out, so i drank them for you. don't say i'm not a good friend.
so when we were booking the hotel and plane tickets for vegas we reserved a chapel for someone, it's inevitable.
I couldn't tell if those girls from the bar were lesbians or just awesome
Jesus once told his disciples that its better to hang out with your best friend than give some douche bag a bj.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
U should just post that picture of u two on facebook with the caption, does anyone know this girl? If so please tell her to take plan b, thanks
I know that was a dream because I woke up and there was no pizza
The hookers weren't a dream get tested
dude to be honest with you there is a used condom that ive just left on my floor for three days
you have got to get your shit together
I noticed a trail of vomit coming up the drive way. You must be home
Either I'm paranoid or I swear my parents rigged my house so you can never sneak in or have the munchies without being loud.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There's a naked man in my car right now.
I need Mexican food. Like, I'd take it through a needle at this point. It's totally worth the track marks.
Dude. There are selfies on my phone of me, wide-eyed, sucking my pillow. We did NOT split that bag 50/50.
Because my vagina is Ellis Island. All foreign penises must be presented for inspection and competency. God bless America.
You kept hiding under tables and grabbing people's legs and shouting SHARK ATTACK.
I remember telling you that I think Taylor Swift has stolen my essence. I still think that's true.
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