I just farted. And everybody around me is looking at the fat girl to my left. I win.
once i realized i was actively trying to drink the beer i was sweating out of my body i knew it was time to go to bed
I could get a dump truck for 1000. Think of the possibilities.
I took his sheets with my when I left seeing that I underestimated my period. Also grabbed a 6-pack out of the fridge because breakfast is the most important meal of the day & I don't do other peoples laundry for free.
I stole an ensure out of their fridge and started chugging it. That was when Maria made me leave.
Why is hotel staff askin about the blood in our room
We should hook up after this. Laugh or look horrified to say yes.
Hello. You don't know me, but word on the street is that we are now eskimo sisters. I feel like we should go out for coffee and compare experiences.
TGIFridays...stall number 1...drunk...send help
Aw don't be embarrassed. It was all good fun! We've all been there. You can't come to vegas and NOT get a little alcohol poisoning. That's like going to church and not praying.
It is a fiery spray of napalm-covered beautiful words that leave a flaming "fuck you" on the ground after I destroy him.
Weird thing is that's not the first time I've been felt up by a Santa. Happens every year
Our first time hooking up was on New Years and we've managed to hook up every holiday since, I'm hoping this lasts until 2016 just to fulfill my American Holiday sex fantasy I never knew I had
HE WAS SUPPOSED TO BE THE TROPHY HUSBAND! I WAS GOING TO BE THE SUCCESSFUL ONE!
Woke up at my x's house. He said I talked about how much I love panda's for fourty five minutes. Then made him watch The Little Mermaid with me. Made the walk of shame infront of his mom. Things can only really go up from here.
Wait till you get home.
Randomize
