My 12 y/o god son's bandmate just asked me to their school dance. Still he's a better catch than the last one...
Your mouth is God's brothel.
He had on juicy sweatpants and thats when i knew he was no longer a threat.
we seriously had to hang a plastic bag on his ears so he could throw up right into it.
The freshman came home at 9 this morning with one heel, no pants, and a strangers sweatshirt covered in tequila-scented vomit. I think we're done corrupting her for a while.
She's Christian and monogamous. Two wammies right there. No amount of convincing will turn that bi for a night.
I vagually remember taking your birthcontrol and washing it down with ash water
He insists on falling asleep with his penis between my buttcheeks. He says its his "home".
God I hope the gutter I die in is nice. You know, for a gutter.
Just found dollar bills in my sheets. What part of the weekend am I forgetting?
You threw up in a empty pizza box at Pizza Hut and opened the door with your face. So that maybe why it's bruised.
Mashed potatoes are always the fuckin answer ok.
THANKS BE TO BLACK BABY JESUS IN HIS LITTLE GOLDEN DIAPER FOR BLESSING ME WITH NOT PREGNANT
I'm not a morning person, and, trust me, no matter how good your cock may be, it will not turn me into one.
Idk, apparently drinking five Four Loko's and trying to fight a mailbox constitutes disorderly conduct.
Randomize
