What wine goes with Cap'n Crunch?
I've been drunk so often this summer being sober is exciting
Do you think a former stripper/heroin addict constitutes as a high risk sexual partner?
Hes stumbling drunkenly around the streets of New York with a balloon vagina on his head. I'd say hes having a good night.
I didn't think about how painful the pumpkin seeds coming up the next morning would be. Oh well, I'm good at making pumpkin seeds and that's all that matters.
Hot Damn Cinnamon Schnapps make me feel like the sun is punching me in the face and a bear is sleeping inside me.
Bro i pulled the fucking willy wonkas gold ticket of ratchets the other night this chick was a real treat god bless her
So what happened? Or does sex + ramen pretty much cover it?
I have drunkenly angered a family of raccoons. Please send help immediately.
Turns out he's actually a she. Might keep dating her just to see Mom's reaction.
He wants to pour butter pecan flavored coffee creamer on me and lick it off. I'm like, dude, gross. French Vanilla ok? Ugh.
I had sex upstairs in my parents house, and my mom texted me and said "those raccoons are out of control in the walls."
And thank god for autocorrect cuz I can't even think in English let alone spell in it right now.
Listen, i know this is weird for you, but as your fuck buddy, id prefer if you didnt fuck her.
Youre asking too much from me
Is this making any sense, because I’m puking and trying to be Philosophical right now
Randomize
