Why. Ill be the rabbit if ull be the carrot.
I feel like ignoring a facebook event is a lot like a pocket-veto. The only difference is instead of opposing legislation, I don't want to go to your sketchy party.
i love how i spend my mornings exploring my phone to see what i did last night.
i said good morning to each one of his abs personally
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We eventually had to ration the melon vodka. 10 pushups per shot. THATS why my arms hurt
He wasn't eating out, he was performing a hysterectomy without a license....should I be worried about my future family?
Speaking of testosterone. I saw a girl with a moustache thicker than one I can grow last night...
I don't even know if I LIKE sober sex any more.
I just found out who gave her jelly shots. You owe me a new mattress.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well yes he stayed. He brought Guiness, them he shaved me. It's a long, but beautiful story.
I left myself a note saying 'buy a hamster but not an orange one like this pen'
omg so drunk
Woke up with 5 texts apologizing from a number I named "guy who elbowed me in face"
On a scale of 1 to 10 how concerned should I be
He has great stamina, he knows how to use his tongue, and he's hung like a goddamn Pegasus. I can overlook the man bun.
He paid for a 5 star hotel suite and I raided the mini bar after he left. I think that’s bad karma. Want some pringles?
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