Uhhh...do I owe you any money? Or an apology? Or anything?
you just started pointing at the light and whispering "star wars"
Dude.. You paid a stripper $50 to listen to you cry last night.
I'm just concerned it's gonna end up in my vagina again
I'll be honest. I knew what I was getting into. I'm not proud, but I'll be damned if I'm ashamed. 6 month draught is over. That's justice.
Did you Fuck minivan and her friend last night?
Note to self: the judgement that occurs when unrolling your last 5 which was used to snort drugs the night before, to pay for alcohol before noon on a Monday is worth just sucking it up and taking an overdraft fee.
Wait a min, you had drugs last night?!
There was confetti in my vomit this morning... Happy New Year!!
He used the term 'cock-staggering' in an email. So needless to say things are going pretty well.
I just had a guy ask me if his "jewelry downstairs" would set off the metal detector.
You tell anyone I'm rocking out to Pitbull in an economy, base-model car, I'll kill you.
Right?? Give me some apple scented candles and I'm a fall wet dream
Where is Holly?
Nevermind. i can hear her having sex two doors down
I just sent him a message bearing my soul about how much he means to me as a friend and his first response is "are you drunk?"
Shit like this is why I'm a bitch to everyone.
oh dont worry mom i am not sick my cough is from a recent increase in recreational drug use
that will happen
Randomize
