i dont know you, but i just did a line with your business card.
a commercial for my antidepressant came on and they said you shouldn't take if if you drink right as i took a shot
god is laughing at you again
I just imagined your drunkass eating Taco Bell in my living room. This is the Godmother of my potential child.
the girl next to me at the bar JUST looked down at her vagina and said "im going to get you fed". if i come home alone tonight...i give you permission to cut off my penis
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's just a matter of time. The ball is in my court. Soon to be in her mouth.
Exotic beer tasting at my apt right now and by that I mean I bought random beer and I'm drinking it on my balcony
I bought new panties to console myself ... you know, because I am going to lose my ovaries. Well, if I don't die of a heart attack first. But at least when the EMS folks find me, I'll be finely dressed from the waist down.
Know what I do when I'm in that mood? Whenever anyone talks to me I just hiss like a cat. They go away.
Tempting guys with beer and cheese. How Midwestern are we?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I had a dream I got back with Amanda. And then cheated on her the same day. Even my conscious is a dick
You do it and I'll burn these mermaid pants so help me God.
Typical Sunday morning text...are you alive?
For someone who claims to be straight, she knows a hell of a lot about bi erasure, and one Hayley Kiyoko song too many
Walk of shame through Chipotle? Check.
Mom says you're allowed to come home if you replace the towels. I don't want to know why.
Randomize