Lets drop out of school and be professionally skinny and drunk
I googled "I hate my uterus" just to make sure I wasn't the only one.
ok, I understand that your bathroom door is broken, but at least close the blinds next time you take a shit. The entire parking garage just watched you.
I should do something nice for her. Like sign her up for "What Not To Wear."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude...disintegrating condoms. Think about it. For all the guys that wanna go raw dog but their girls won't let them, and for the girls that wanna get pregnant but their guys don't want a kid. What do you think?
I think you've been hitting the soco too hard again.
our night together was a product of my beer goggles and jennifer aniston-like desperation.
Why is the word 'best' written on my chest?!!
Say something like you want him to fuck you behind a McDonald's. Guys secretly love weird shit like that.
okay, please tell me Cammy is the one who put the picture and note on my desk saying "beat off to this homeboy"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just explain how I got from the bar to a house I've never been in, waking up to a cop in uniform ripping a bong
Do you know how disconcerting it is to hear the sound a dog makes while it drinks water and find out that it's someone eating you out?
I had mdma, weed, and alcohol in my system. My doctor seems to think that's how I tore my groin.
Only the sound of Friends and my gulping of wine are masking the sounds of my roommate getting laid
It doesn't count as "finding the lesbian" if you fuck a straight girl!
she was sitting on the toilet asking for me to take a "cute facebook profile picture" for her
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