no. i seriously look so gross with this sunburn. i wouldnt even wanna bang myself. and im really into myself.
At this point do you think buying mom a pot plant would be funny or highly inappropriate?
the head trauma was worth the blowjob.
I'm one ex away from doing an entire victory lap of all of the guys I've hooked up with since second semester of freshman year. Single me is scary.
I HOPE YOURE READY TO KICK SOME SERIOUS ASS AT TRIVIA NIGHT TOMORROW NIGHT. also, i hope the birth of your niece goes well. BUT MOSTLY TRIVIA NIGHT.
You had your shirt off checking IDs at the door and you don't even work there
Wrapped in a blanket, just ate a whole party pizza. All my dreams are coming true and you don't even care.
I crawled out his bedroom window, forgetting he lives in a split level and there is a 10 foot drop back there. I had to text him to come help me I twisted my ankle.
I'd go lesbian for $50 and a good phone case.
Soooo I think my neighbor just saw me masturbating on my porch
I just want to nap all the time and eat Chinese food.
Dude, some chick came over here earlier and thought my lube was hand sanitizer. She poured it all over her hands.
When campus security rolled up he stole their car and drove it like 100 feet. Then he walked up and gave back the keys because it was a hyundai.
I mean, drunk me really liked him, maybe sober me will too. Who am I to deny fate?
I got the shit slapped outta me last night but the pain in my jaw doesn’t even compare to the hangover I have.
Randomize
