im 80% sure the guy across from me is taking pictures of my legs
lol earlier she was acting like a normal gf... and then BANG! shes touching herself again...
That drug basically just makes anything that's in your mouth awesome
and now that ive poetically compared your vagina to a nuclear missile, I hope youre prepared for this date.
in literally every picture i'm wearing less and less of my costume.
Just served breakfast to a bunch of hella drunk kids. They kidnapped the birthday boy for his 21st and he was wearing a disney onesy and bunny ears. They've been drinking since before dawn, why don't we have friends like that?
Drunk puking in my bathtub has plugged it up for the third time this year. I hate these calls to my landlord.
The funny thing is, we kinda did bring guys home cause you had a fort...
I may have played more drinking games with my family this last week than all of freshman year...
If you've ever wondered what a shitshow is, just watch me at the bar on a Friday. Or Tuesday. Take your pick.
I just got stoned alone and repierced my nose. don't ever tell me I'm unaccomplished
I just got stoned by myself and am eating cookies so I'm right there with you
At one point I yelled "THIS IS MY PENANCE FOR EVERYTHING I'VE DONE WRONG" and started saying Hail Marys
Just walked past the field playing Jesus music with a fanny pack full of condoms and beer. Happy Sunday.
Our sub is singing "i believe i can fly" after yelling at the class this whole time and this is really hella weird
Are you aware that you called your mom to say hi before you dragged the random guy into bed last night?
Randomize
