Eric got herpes from Jo-ann
That's what he deserves for hooking up with a french canadian
The nice sales man at 711 gave me a handful of free lighters for buying a carton of cigarettes. I guess the depressed damsel in distress look works for me.
Dude, she looked like the Canadian Slam Poet, neck hair and all.
I love memorial day. It's drinking in the name of patriotism. God Bless America
You pulled the fire alarm because you had to shit and there was someone in the bathroom. you said you needed privacy
One date. That's all it took. I want to have his geunis babies in me. One date.
I was fine until "Under Pressure" came on the radio. It's like God wanted me to shit my pants on the drive home.
You should have hard cock pics on hand to send in the situation that you can't stop driving, pull out your cock, browse the countless pics I've sent you of my tits, get him hard and text a pic through. I mean, it's simple sexting ettiquette.
I can't believe I had to sit there pretending to play Halo with a condom on for 20 Minutes because your brother barged in to tell a story.
The girls danced. I drank. Then I danced cause I was drunk. Then I ripped tim's shirt off cause I'm awesome.
And know that if I ever text "road head?" that it comes from a place of caring and not a place of heartlessness..
So I just stole my deans keys to break into the dining hall to get coco puffs. I shouldn't have gone to this meeting stoned.
Today, my weed came in a pokéball. I officially love my dealer.
Don't judge me. It's a Monday night and I can eat burritos in while bathing in the kitchen sink if I want to.
I was at a crossroads, dude. Like, do I wanna eat chicken McNuggets or talk about my feelings?
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