I had a dream last night that we were eating cake at Mercy...hahaha. I'm furious I didn't see you.
I didn't go out last night, but I dreamed that I blacked out and the *CRAZY* thing I did was to eat 12 cupcakes off 12 diff plates and stack them up neatly. If I had a life, I'd hate it.
you definitely have a few illegitimate kids
probs. Not too worried about it though. MOst girls are too embarrassed that they let me into their pants that they'll never admit its mine
Dude my date hates me, Im on a rooftop full of Turkish people, and Ricky Martin is blasting on the radio. I was wrong earlier when I said I have my shit together
Balcony sex scratched the shit out of my phone. Whups.
don't be alarmed if you come back and i'm passed out drunk and naked cuddling with the franzia.
Laurln. I am dying. I am npt alive. Adderrall is not a real thing. Death is a rwal thing which I understandably
It's like split custody, only he's not a kid and they have sex with him.
mallory made a planned parenthood decision maker flow chart again.
You won’t make it to November. A 21st bday and Halloween in the same night has shitshow/ jail written all over it. So I call dibs on that tall guy
He's drinking 50/50 vodka/water out of a camelback. Disaster would be a compliment at this point.
You might be at the point of severe desperation when you gotta hold the two pieces of your broken vibrator together just to get off.
my very deepest apologies for the unintentional cock block.
We're on our way. We couldn't find our clothes this morning, so we're driving your car half naked. You owe me a cigarette.
I'm in the recliner and i have a bottle of wine wedged in my cleavage, drinking from a straw. Clever and classy or pathetic and sloppy?
Randomize
