How was last night?
She looked like Delta Burke in her fat Designing Women days ... and she just left like 2 minutes ago. Right after breakfast.
We were all singing so you said you were going to play a percussion instrument... the crackers.
We role played last night. I was Brandon Inge and she was some slut from Toledo. Let's just say Triple A might not be so disappointing after all.
There's a 35% chance I'm still residually drunk from last night.
And you say you're not good with numbers...
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did the fire alarm go off at the party last night I kind of remember a fire alarm noise
omg omg i ripped it out of the ceiling omg
I was just tryna bring you beer girl. I should've known you'd be shirtless though
Then he shook the next streetlight but this one broke and fell over. He told me, "This is the part where we run."
OMG I WAS JUST THINKING ABOUT HOW OUR FRIENDSHIP IS SO REAL BECAUSE I SHOW YOU DICK PICS AND WE LAUGH TOGETHER.
You need to be on (or possibly create) the international emoji committee to address all of these glaring oversights
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Do you think I could use my teacher of month Award to get free drinks?
I'll give you a blowjob in a Santa hat if it will put you in the Christmas spirit
I sent her a video on Snapchat of me cumming, with a Father's Day snap filter that said "#1 Dad".
I continue to impress myself. Also I'm probably pregnant
Should I wish him a happy birthday?
Well he has been inside of you enough times that you probably should.
What did you delete my number or something
Oh honey. What makes you think I saved in in the first place?
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