then he goes, "ok, i have to go talk to the girl i'm semi-talking to/dating and see if i'm in trouble" WHAT IS MY LIFE?!
did you wind up at some random place? and do you remember face planting into the fireplace?
He wanted to put Kesha on after he came in my mouth. I had to draw some sort of trashy, gay line.
a cabby told me that vodka is the coors light of liquor, and then gave me his number
idk but i have you stored in my phone as 'guy with beard doing body shots'
Okay, quick math test. If our entire group can do at least 6 shots a night, how much alcohol will be needed to keep us shit faced for the rest of the week? This is for a grade. Anddd, go.
well, I was going to forgive her anyway but not because shes my best friend and moreso because shes my drug dealer
I asked him how his night was and he sent me a picture of a bottle of Ciroc with a bendy straw...
My nonexistent future grandchildren will one day ask me when I knew I'd lost control of my life. And now I know.
That's what you get for doing kinky shit with a guy that lives in his moms basement.
You know for a guy who frequently jumps into stuff without thinking it through, your can do spirit is lacking on this one
And the next thing I knew I was blowing this random hot italian bartender with an uncircumcised penis in his work closet
Is it bad if I look at someone i dont know and just want to punch them in the face?
Don't let me pee the bed... Its going to be one of those weekends
Punched myself in the face trying to open a bottle of Vicodin one handed. Night is going well.
Randomize
